Machine generated contents note: September 2003

Some ground rules; predictions for a baby's future employment; the opinions of grown-up critics; Legally Blonde

October 2003

The embodiment of a cultural obsession; re-reading in the face of mortality; empty threats of violence

November 2003

Unfinished, abandoned, abandoned, unfinished; the appearance of the Polysyllabic Spree; a zealous gleam

December 2003 / January 2004

Clarification about lost Victorian classics; overrated and peripheral skills; living with an autistic child; advice on smoking

February 2004

A modest celebration; the pram in the hall; in praise of the vernacular; jokes about commas; a fearful bashing

March 2004

Plans for a carcass; Cultural Fantasy Boxing League; an effort to get back on course; the young Flaubert

April 2004

Utter rubbish; a truth bent out of shape; unkind words about Amazon reviewers; upcoming Dickensian nutrition

May 2004

Note continued: The secret of good writing; a guy who shouts "Goroo!" a lot; a long, lank skeleton hand; drippy Dora's bloody dog

June 2004

The Croatian sex lady; the way middle-class people spend their time; a pregnancy scare; the support net; when Fischer played Spassky

July 2004

A visually uninteresting family tree; nipples not left alone; a taste for hopelessly bleak Eastern European humor

August 2004

A new baby; consumer fear; the appeal of the reappearing hero; the fourth-worst night of your life; a very pithy suicide note

September 2004

The Jesuit Thing; Several Mistakes; Finger-Steepling And Sharks In The Same Book; A New Best Friend

October 2004

Sex With Cousins; Yorkshiremen; Some Clever-Dick Reviewer; The Particularities Of English Marxists

November 2004

Presumptions Regarding Cricket; Chekhov's Quotidian Life; Advice That Holds Good Even Now; A Lovely Little Mongrel Doggie

Preface To Housekeeping Vs. The Dirt

Note continued: Nick Hornby On What He's Learned About Reading From The Polysyllabic Spree, Of All People

February 2005

The Story So Far; The Kingston Trio In Curious Company; Islington Dinner Parties; A Totally Original Sentence

March 2005

Weasel Words; A Thoughtful And Engaging Website; The Inevitable Incredibles Cash-Ins; An Elite Cabal; Bob The Astronaut

April 2005

Ednit; A Quease-Inducing Trend; A Spoiler Alert; The Only Problem With The Labour Government; Gogol's Shoes

May 2005

Surprising Action In Borders; Respective Tastes In Bird Books; Some Things That Have The Mucus; Greil Marcus On The Pet Shop Boys

June / July 2005

An Excruciating Purchase; A Perfect Black-Body Sphere; The Announcement Of The Theme Of The Month

August 2005

Rules Made By Pompous Twits; An Astonishing Hush; Ongoing Disciplinary Troubles; A Surprisingly Juicy Book

September 2005

Note continued: Clearing Up A Few Things; Dismal Brevity; An Interesting Philosophical Debate; Bullishness And Self-Aggrandizement

October 2005

Shame; The Holy Grail Of This Column Found; Some Very Specific Pomposities; The Ways In Which A Man Can Kid Himself

November 2005

A Question Of Comic Judgment; Attractive Kryptonite Ashtrays; Impatience With Literary Fiction; Gay Abandon

February 2006

A Lot Of Stuff About Farting And Wanking; Major Reading Experiences; Jay Gatsbergen And David Copperbottom

March 2006

A New Tradition; Puff Diddle; Jolly Ukrainian Songs; Defining The Beginning Of Sexual Intercourse; Our Impending Death

April 2006

Comparisons With Nikki Sixx; Sea-Creature Combos; The Price Of Egg Burritos In America; Use Of The First-Person Plural

May 2006

Notes On A Shelving System; The English Equivalent Of Oprah; Musings On A Lunar Module; Unintentional Comic Elan

June / July 2006

Note continued: A Very Grim Month; Brotherhood On The Road; Histrionics From Abraham Lincoln; Arsenal Makes The Semifinals

August 2006

Crushing Disappointment; Life In Mississippi; Stuffier Compatriots; Small Beer; The Fruits Of A Southern Kick; Clumsy Crabs

September 2006

Opinions About Scientists; Clever Cynics; The Flop And Bawl; A Spousal Downgrade; The Worth Of Weddings And The World Cup

October 2006

A Scary Woman; Visiting With Permafrost Experts; An Offer From Exxonmobil; Toothless Writers' Unions

April 2007

Endless Craving For Misery; A Double Burial; Experimental Novels From Slovenia; Advice On How To Deal With Favorites

May 2007

The Musical Taste Of Ipods; Reconsidering Dated Smut; Thoughts On Tinned Food; Devout Catholic Wives

June / July 2007

Breakfast Frappuccinos; Bacon-Flavored Potato Chips; Effortless Use Of The American Vernacular; Lippy Kids

August 2007

Note continued: Index Entries On Greil Marcus; Life Behind The Berlin Wall; Antinomians; Up With Fiction, Down With Facts

September 2007

The End Of The World; Kitchen Gizzard Experiments; A Passable Mick Jagger Impersonation; A Blank-Verse Novel About Werewolves

October 2007

Defending The Honor Of A Pink Book; The Death Of God; Ten Adult Books That Aren't Boring; Weird Chimes

November / December 2007

Helpful Cake Analogies; Hamstring Trouble; Unreadable Marxist Pamphlets; A Middle-Class Twat; Doublethink

January 2008

A Fact-Finding Mission; Sex Education; Writers With An Eye On Posterity; A Sun-Lounger In France; Lovable Millennials

February 2008

Learning To Read; A State Of Bolshiness; A Hydrocephalic Weakling; Cricketers; Titmus, F. J.; Hints On A Proposed Lordship

March / April 2008

Stuff He's Been Watching; Misery Memoirs; Unpleasant People Doing Unkind Things; A Fascist-Killing Machine; Juno Backlash

May 2008

Note continued: The Fate Of A Man Tired Of Books; An Increase Of Snazz; The Delivery Of An Unsporting Thumping; Mortgage Payments On Boxes

September 2008

Specialization On Doctor Dolittle; Breakfast Made By A Chimp; Tolerance Of A Bare Breast; A Temporary Farewell

May 2010

Learning From Ehow; The Old Days; Nude Tableaux Vivants; Failed Moneymaking Schemes; Delicate Moral Complications

June 2010

An Invitation To The Oscars; Iconic Nhs Spectacle Styles; The Postwar Labour Government; Litcologne

July / August 2010

Advice From The Brits; Tragicomedy; The Lost Booker Prize; A Novel-Shaped Manhattan; A Pisseur De Copie

September 2010

The Return Of The Scientist Of The Month Award; Small Males; Possible Roles For Miley Cyrus; Words From Lorne Michaels

October 2010

Painfully Cold Sponsored Parties; A Hunky Bad Boy; Negative Twenty Questions; The Moments On Which A Life Turns

November / December 2010

Note continued: Shakespeare's Most Tarantinoesque Works; Instructions On Making Yogurt; The Time Before Funk; The Mau Mau Uprising

January 2011

Literary Fattism; Sick Burns By Dickens's Contemporaries; The Difference Between Scottish And Irish; Bose Headphones

February 2011

Postman Pat; An Mp3 Of Elizabeth Bishop; Diarrhea In The Book; The Universal Love Of Celine Dion; Good Goals And Bad Goals

March / April 2011

Victimhood; Characters Who Are Quite Clearly Creeps; A Gift From The President; Cells That Grow Like Kudzu

May 2011

New Forms Of Inadequacy; Married Bliss; Curious Descriptors For Lovemaking; The Dillon Panthers; Homework

June 2011

A Worthy Opponent; The Hawaiians' Need For The Bible; The Favorite Television Program Of Mr. Gum; A Bald Assertion

July / August 2011

A Certain Yen; A Surprising Anecdote; Incomprehensible Improbability; A Man Possessing The Necessary Anxiety; Required Reading

September 2011

Note continued: A String Of Presumptions; The Definition Of Monogamy; Democracy Versus Hot Sex; An Ode To Body Shop Vanilla Shower Gel

October 2011

Chopsticks; An Example Of Womanizing Both Real And Prodigious; The Gray North Sea; An Endorsement Of The Waboba Ball

November / December 2011

Everybody's Favorite Literary Biographer; The Posher Papers; Old Tosh; Marshalsea Debtors' Prison; The Blacking Factory

January 2012

A Lemon-Firing Bazooka; Unbearable Quirk; Wwoofers; Instances Of Transgressive And Sinister Sexual Chaos

March / April 2012

A Second Chance For Sade; Plastic Carrier Bag As Madeleine Substitute; Taunting The Fact-Checkers; Friendship With Woody Allen

May 2012

The Definition Of Creative Professional; An Epiphanic Right-Hemisphere Production; A Theory Regarding Nonfiction Books

June 2012

Passing The Point Of Concern; Penal Reform; The Notion Of The Second Longhand Draft; A Month Of Fictional Bravery

Note continued: July / August 2012

The Future For Writers; A Frustrating Imagined Dialogue; Fitgerald's Rate; A Gum-Snap Young-Adult Voice

September 2012

A Personal Library; The No-Snark Rule; A "Meh" Face; The End Of The London Olympics; Vital Supplies

March / April 2013

Assorted Woo-Hoos; The Fashionable Rod Stewart; A Very Common Human Propensity; A Christlike Alter Ego

May 2013

Casting Notes; The Transcendence Of One's Subject; Disappointment Regarding Orgies And Uzis; A Very Long Series Of Questions

June 2013.